Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
