I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
