you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
