NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
