you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My ass is underappreciated
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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