yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
