there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
