you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
