just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
