I haven't been this sober since birth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
