I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You pole danced in your parka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
