What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
