I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
