I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
