Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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