Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
