Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
