i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize