they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
