It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
