I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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