Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
