i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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