Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
