Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
