dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
