The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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