I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
