I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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