Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
