two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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