just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize