Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
