I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
