My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
