My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
