just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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