Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
