U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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