So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
