i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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