The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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