awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
