If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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