I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
