It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize