I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
