just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
