Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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