Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You took a bar mat shot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
