i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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