I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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