what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
