I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
