tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize