My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
