I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
