Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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