Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
