3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
