did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
