when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
