There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize