I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
