Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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