the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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