it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
