Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize