dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
