My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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