apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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