you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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