I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
