Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
