I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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