So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
