Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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