Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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